What the!
by chocolafied
Summary: It started with Erza being knocked out in a fight between Natsu and Gray, Lucy being somehow dragged into this,and people underestimating her. Oh boy, this is NOT going to end well. Might write more. Read to see more.
1. How this Massacre started:

_Of course, they_ have_ to be acting like complete morons as usual._

Lucy sat at the bar with her head down while Natsu and Gray were wreaking havoc in the Fairy Tail Guild building. Never could they settle it outside. It always _had_ to be _inside_. Forget about Erza breaking up the fight, she's already out for the count. The master was away on business, Mirajane knew better than to get involved, and everyone else was cheering for either Natsu or Gray.

The blonde sighed. _When will this end?_ She thought to herself. Her eyes then wandered back to the pile of debris that the two rival mages had ever so kindly created, along with the burnt and broken support beams, the frozen tables, and the somewhat mix of the two when it came to the floor and chairs. Surprising? Not really. This is the norm for this guild.

Lucy was glad that she was kept out of it, at least, until Gray sent a piece of ice the size of a spear head towards her and scraped her arm. Then, well, it got ugly.

Glancing at the newly formed cut on her arm and then looking back at the two mages, only one thought came to mind: _They are _so_ dead_.

Being new to the guild, practically everyone doubted her abilities, but this _had_ to stop, _**now**_**. **All glances turned to the celestial mage, who was _very_ pissed off right now. Natsu and Gray had smirks on their faces, but they quickly disappeared when they saw the deadly aura that was slowly seeping out of the blonde's body.

"L-Luce?" Natsu asked in a somewhat nervous voice. Gray and Happy looked just as nervous, along with the rest of the guild.

"C'mon Lucy, don't be like that," Gray said, putting his hands up in a defensive mannor, he had a feeling he knew what was coming.

"Aye," Happy chirped, but he then flew over to where Mirajane was. _They're screwed,_ the blue cat thought to himself.

Natsu's face went pale when he saw Lucy cracking her knuckles. He then tried to grin. "C'mon Luce, you know it was an accid-"

"Shut up," Lucy said. Her tone was ice cold and bearing a death sentence.

"Oh boy," the fire mage mumbled to himself.

Lucy slowly walked over to where the two mages were. The eyes of everyone in the guild followed.

A moment or two later, cries for help filled the silent air, along with the sound of holes being made into the floor, flames starting and then being extinguished, and ice being made but then being quickly shattered. The rest of the mages in the building looked in shock at first, but then looked away as the scene got worse. It was an ugly sight, a _**real**_ ugly sight.

o0o

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><p>About thirty minutes later, the master came back from his business to find the guild as it normally was, except for one thing. Sitting at the bar was Lucy talking to Mirajane, along with Natsu and Gray tied up together on the floor with gags over their mouths. Erza was sitting with the two female mages, talking as well while holding a drink in her hands.<p>

Marakov stared in disbelief at the sight. There was someone else besides Erza who could manage those two. The old man then smiled. _Well_, he thought _.There's a surprise._

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><p><strong>AN: Well, here's another Fairy Tail story, this time, it's a one shot! :'D -shot- |'3<strong>

**Should I do more? O.O**

**Should I make this a SERIES of one shots? OAO**

**REVIEW TO LET ME KNOW XD**

**o3o thanks for reading!**

**feedback appreciated! **

**l**

**l**

**l**

**V**


	2. The Next Day:

The Following Day:

"Gray! Natsu! Where are you?" Erza screamed. Obviously the two mages have done something to piss her off. Lucy sat at the bar, her head once again resting on her arms. Mirajane was once again cleaning and everyone else was going about as if nothing bad was going on, which there was.

The scarlet haired mage walked over to Lucy. "Have you seen Natsu and or Gray?" Lucy shook her head. Meanwhile, the two mages were hiding at the top of the place by clinging to the support beams with dear life.

Gray was using his ice to hold onto the wooden beam while Natsu used his claws. What both of them didn't realize is that Natsu's body heat was slowly burning the wooden support beam.

Erza glanced at Lucy again. "Do you smell something burning?"

Lucy sniffed the air and then nodded. Surely enough, the sound of cracking wood and a scream followed as Natsu fell and landed on top of Erza. Gray stayed where he was and clung even more desperately.

Natsu quickly got up and hid behind Lucy, who was now getting pissed off, but nowhere near as much as where Erza was. Angry vapors quickly seeped out of the young woman's body and turned into flames. She then looked up to see Gray clinging to the ice that held fast in the wooden beam.

Gray flinched and sweat dropped when he saw Erza's intense stare directed at him. He then tried to swing to another beam, but Erza was faster at equipping her "The Knight" armor. The armor mage then flew up and swung her sword down at the ice mage.

Gray scrambled and barely dodged the attack in time. Behind him was an explosion from the impact of Erza's sword and the wooden beams. The ice mage then quickly lost his balance and fell. Unfortunate for him, he landed on the celestial mage that he and Natsu managed to piss off the day before.

The stripper mage, who just stripped down to his boxers once again, quickly jumped off of Lucy and hid behind his rival fire mage. Lucy slowly got up and cracked her knuckles. Once again, we only assume the worst possible outcome for these two.

The two mages huddled in the corner, fear and panic-stricken as the two deadliest female mages slowly stalked over to where they were. Happy tried to stop them, but we all know it's useless. Your attempts to stop them are in vain, Happy. They're screwed, again!

The sound of people getting beat up, dents being made in the wall, men screaming and crying, and Erza's sword slashing through anything in her way made the rest of the guild members look over towards the corner of the room in curiosity. What they saw, once again, mentally scarred them for the rest of their lives. The sight was, indeed, _very_ ugly, possibly more ugly than the scene from the previous day.

o0o

About three hours later, Mirajane came back from shopping. She noticed something was off.

"Lucy, Erza, have you seen Natsu or Gray?" the white haired barmaid asked.

The two nodded and pointed at the ceiling. Mirajane looked up and went into shock.

"W-WHY ARE THOS TWO UP THERE?" the shocked woman asked before fainting. Natsu and Gray were both attached to a rope that held them on either side of a support beam. The rope was anti-magic, otherwise they would have been down by now. The ice mage had his arms crossed and Natsu was just pleading for help.

Gray suddenly had a bright idea. He swung himself onto the top of the support beam and… he didn't count on Natsu's weight pulling him down and plummeting towards the ground again. When the two mages collided with the wood,(thank god no one was standing underneath them this time x'D) they happened to land right in front of Lucy, who jumped into Erza's arms being scared.(Just think of Scooby-Doo jumping into Shaggy's arms x'D)

And so, another day of abusive treatment was concluded. However, it would take them only a mere few days before they worked up the nerve to try and piss them off again just for the fun of it. They _loved_ doing that.

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><p><strong>I got some positive feedback so I decided to do another chapter~ =w=;;;<strong>

**sorry if you think this is complete trash~ oAo;;;**

**well then, Hasta La Vista, Babeh~ (:'D)**

**feed back appreciated o3o!**

**Thanks for reading! :D**


	3. A reason why not to ruin their cake:

Lucy's eye was now twitching. Erza was now looking down after sighing softly. They were both now pissed off. Gray and Happy had scared looks on their faces. Natsu, the idiotic fire dragon slayer, had stepped on both Lucy's and Erza's slices of cheesecake. After blinking a few times at his female companions he then looked down at the mess that was caused by him jumping onto the table, once again. Will this moron ever learn his lesson? He probably won't.

"Natsu," Lucy growled at him. The fire mage turned around and saw the deadly aura seeping out of the two girls once again. He flinched and then jumped behind Gray for cover.

"Oi, Natsu! Don't bring me into _this_ again!" Gray yelled at him while a bead of sweat rolled down the side of his face.

"Aye," Happy nervously chirped and he took off once again towards the bar.

"Happy, don't leave me here!" Natsu pleaded. His stomach now had officially turned upside down. The sickness of when he was on any method of transportation had started to come back.

Thank goodness no one was around.

Why is there no one around?

The reason is because of the last two incidents, it had become a safety rule that no one was to sit, stand, or go near them within 500 yards. The guild members valued their lives, who can blame them?

Mirajane saw what was happening and pressed a little, red button that sounded off an alarm. All of the guild members except Team Natsu and herself fled outside.

Both of the girls on Team Natsu started cracking their knuckles. Erza equipped herself and was now wearing her "Black Wing" armor.

Knowing what was to come, Natsu fled the table, dragging Gray with him.

"Why are you dragging me into this?" Gray yelled, crying out of fear. The two girls quickly followed suit after them.

I don't believe it necessary to go into detail. I believe you, the audience, should know what is going on right now. Mirajane watched with a nervous smile on her face as sweat rolled down her temple.

o0o

When it was safe to come in, Mirajane pressed the button again. Everyone came in to see Natsu and Gray hanging by a set of horns above the fireplace mantel while Lucy and Erza were sipping tea on the two comfy chairs in front of the fire. Nearly all the guild members fainted after seeing that much.

"And the moral of this story is," Lucy said in a matter-of-fact tone while holding up her index finger. "Never mess with someone's cheesecake, or suffer the consequences." Both Lucy and Erza grinned and laughed at the last part.

You'd think they would have learned their lesson by now, but my dear friends, this is only the beginning.

o0o

Later on that day:

Natsu and Gray were on the floor in front of Lucy and Erza, who had their arms crossed and looked down at the in annoyance, bowing over and over again, begging the two for their forgiveness.

"Don't you think that's overkill?" Happy suggested.

"Aye!" Mirajane happily answered. Happy's eyes went wide and the blue cat cocked an eyebrow.

_Today was one hell of a day, that's for sure._

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><p><strong>Alright, thanks for all the positive feedback so far~ ^^<strong>

**here's a new chapter that fairytailpirate gave me an idea for! :D**

**i hope you guys like it :3**

**sorry if it's crappy =w=;;;**

**favs and what not are appreciated! :)**


	4. Why Bickering is not a good idea:

"Shut up!"

"No you shut up!"

"Ice freak!"

"Flame head"

"Snow man!"

"Fire Maniac!"

Lucy sighed. This was the daily routine, every day, argument after argument. There was no end to this, or was there?

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!" the celestial mage yelled as she slammed her book shut in annoyance. The ice mage and the fire mage both stopped their bickering and looked at Lucy, who was now leaking deadly aura, once again. For those of you who don't know what "once again" means, I respectfully request that you glance back at the first "incident" and acknowledge the fact that this problem just keeps starting up again and again, never to end.

"The cheerleader's right, shut it already!" Gajeel shouted in both of their ears after picking up the rival mages by both of their ears and then he let them go, both of them landing on their butts with a _THUD._

"Can it, Metal mouth!" Natsu angrily snapped at the Iron Dragon Slayer. Both of them now had an intense staring showdown.

"Make me, pipsqueak," the black haired mage growled. This was going to get ugly. Lucy's eye twitched and Gray was standing there with Happy, watching the whole thing in amusement. Thank the gods that Erza was away on a request.

_3…2…1…FIGHT!_

The three team mates mentally calculated how long it would take before Natsu and Gajeel started to fight and start wrecking the guild, once again. And once again, Mirajane pressed the red button on the underside of the bar counter on her side and the Fairy Tail Guild was evacuated. Will this ever end? Probably not.

Beams of wood were being broken, along with tables, stools, chairs, and even the stairs to the second floor. The fight dragged off to the pool in the back of the guild. Those who didn't evacuate because they were too busy enjoying themselves in the cool water quickly hightailed it due to the ceiling starting to collapse as Natsu fell down with rubble in tow. He quickly got up and lunged at Gajeel once again.

Lucy stared at the two. _Am I the only _sane_ one here?_ She asked herself mentally. Then Levy appeared. She was just as pissed as Lucy was.

"GAJEEL!" Levy shouted.

"NATSU!" Lucy shouted at the same time as Levy shouted Gajeel's name. Both stopped and looked at the deadly two and then gulped. The blue haired mage used her script magic to summon a giant club with thorns sticking out of it and Lucy got out her whip. Both of them grinned evilly as they saw their scared expressions.

The two dragon slayers did the smartest thing they could think of and started to hightail it, trying to escape from the two girls' deadly clutches.

"This is your fault, flamehead!" the iron dragon slayer yelled at the other dragon slayer as they ran for their dear lives.

"_My_ fault? It's yours for picking a fight with me, Metal freak!" Natsu yelled back in annoyance.

"YOU IDIOTS GET BACK HERE!" both Lucy and Levy shouted as they ran after the two idiot mages.

"We'll settle this later," the black haired mage said.

"Agreed," the salmon haired mage replied as they both doubled their efforts to get away from those crazy women.

This went on for about the rest of the day as they ran though Magnolia, avoiding the two deadly female mages.

The moral of this story is that bickering like five year olds will not get you anywhere except being chased by two _very_ angry female mages.

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><p><strong>Elfman: So settle it like <em>real<em> men!**

**What the! Sandy: Elfman, when did you get here? O.o**

**Elfman: I'm hiding from Mirajane. :'D**

**What the! Sandy: ohhh :'3 **

**My Other Self Sandy: -has arms crossed and taps foot impatiently-**

**What The! Sandy: :'D**

**Anyways, thanks for the reviews on the last chapter!**

**I promise to update as soon as i have an idea for another skit :'D**

**Anyways, feedback always wanted and appreciated ;3**

**-What The! Sandy**


	5. A Bitter Week Part 1:

It was that time of the month for Lucy, and she hated it, _a lot_. And what made things worse is that the two idiots that always annoyed her were bickering once again. Le sigh, this was going to be a long seven days of pain, torture, annoyance, short temper, and cruel punishment as close to murder as you can get. The day the stellar mage was on was the second, _the_ worst. The whole thing wouldn't stop. And did I say it _hurt_?

"Freezer Freak!"

"Flame Head!"

"Snowman!"

"Annoying Salamander!"

"SHADDUP!" Lucy screamed at the top of her lungs. Gray and Natsu froze mid-sentence and stared at the celestial mage in fear.

"H-Hai?" they both answered, fearing that they would get their heads bitten off by the temperamental, female mage.

"Can you two _please_ articulate instead of calling each other names like five year olds?" The blonde growled at the two. The rival mages gulped and started to tremble slightly.

"Articulate?" the blue haired ice mage repeated. He or Natsu never heard the word before until today. Honestly, it wasn't really all that surprising that no one except for a handful of people knew the word _and_ the definition of it. Ah, you gotta love stupidity, ne?

A light appeared before the bickering men and Loki, or Leo I should say, since he's a spirit and all, appeared before them. He had his arms folded against his chest, which had its usual tuxedo top on, and looked at the two disappointedly, shaking his head and making a _'Tsk'_ sound with his mouth.

"She means using actual words instead of bickering like the idiots you are, morons. Now leave my princess alone so she can get some rest, will you?" the lion spirit explained in annoyance and then turned his gaze towards his blonde master, who was in agonizing pain because of Mother Nature. "Right, Hime?" he asked playfully and then winked at Lucy.

The stellar mage groaned and then buried her head in her arms and cursed under her breath. Another light then appeared and Aries appeared with a club. "Leo~," she said seductively, making the orange haired spirit turned around. Unfortunately for him, the pink haired ram spirit whacked him with the club, sending him across the guild. The rest of the guild members looked away from the brutal sight while the guild members that were in the line of fire quickly scrambled from the area, not wanting to die any time soon.

Leo's body twitched in pain in the indentation of one of the wooden walls he went through halfway. Slowly, he fell from the hole and rubbed the back of his head. A newly formed lump rose and a shadow was then casted down upon him. Looking up, he was it was none other than his girlfriend, Aries with an angry expression on her face. The lion spirit grinned sheepishly and put up his hands defensively. "W-Wait Aries, I can expl-,"

"Princess? Since when is _Lucy_, our master, _your_ princess?" The pink haired spirit angrily barked at her boyfriend. "I thought we had something special~," she said pouting with tears in her eyes and turned her back on him, crying. Loki quickly stood up.

"C'mon Aries, it's not like th-," The well-dressed spirit tried to comfort his sobbing girlfriend but then Aries' club met his face, and he was sent bouncing off the wooden beams of the Fairy Tail guild building.

"Hit the deck!" Happy yelled out as he out of the way of Loki's flight path, narrowly dodging him.

"IDIOT!" the wool wearing spirit screamed at her boyfriend as she whacked him. Leo had tears of fear rolling out of his eyes as he bounced off of the wooden beams.

"SOMEONE HELP ME!" he cried out, begging for help as his skull bounced him from one beam to the next. Supprisingly, the beams didn't break because they were recently replaced due to the recent conflicts in the guild (AKA Lucy, Levi, & Erza).

The blue cat then flew down to the bar next to Lucy and sat down, eating popcorn in amusement as he watched what he called "better than cable".

"Oi, stupid lion quit boun-," Natsu yelled at the bouncing spirit but then ducked again as Loki was heading right at him. Aries appeared in front of the flame mage and whacked Loki with the club with only one hand, sending flying once again.

"You're not getting off _that_ easy!" the ram spirit growled at the lion one.

"Ne, Lucy, why do you think Aries is acting like this?" Happy inquired, but his eyes were still fixed on his source of "entertainment".

Lucy sighed, "Probably her time of the month," she murmured back, but then smiled. _At least _they _aren't bugging me today,_ the blonde thought. Oh ho ho, that's what _you_ think, my dear. Wait 'till tomorrow! (Muhahahahahahaha!)

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><p><strong>MY MOST POPULAR FIC! THANK YOU AMIGAS :D -glonps you all-<strong>

**now, this is PART 1, stay tuned for part 2 ;D**

**later amigas, and put in your suggestions (/review) for part two~ that counts for the 6 people who have automatic updates for this story ;D**

**-Sandy**


	6. A Bitter Week Part 2:

Alas, almost three days have passed since Aries' attempt to kill her boyfriend, Loki. But more is around the corner, my dear readers, much more. Today, we have a "sophisticated" approach on things. Why use "sophisticated" to describe this? Because, dear readers, there are sophisticated people, and then there are complicated people. When you mix those two together, you get something called "insanity". Yes, you heard me right, I said "insanity". So, let us carry on before angry miniature versions of the Fairy Tail Guild members begin attacking me.

**ON WITH THE STORY!**

Lucy sat at her usual spot at the bar, suffering from her menstrual cramps in agony. This had to be one of _the_ worst she's ever had, if not _the_ worst. She had no appetite, her limbs felt like they weighed 1,000 tons, her head felt like it was being hit with a hammer over and over again, plus the three amigos didn't help either with their stupid bickering.

"Ice Monkey!"

"Hot Head!"

"SHUT UP WILL YOU?" Gajeel interrupted the two mages' idiotic name calling for once. They stared at the iron dragon slayer briefly, that is, until Natsu picked a fight with him, once again.

"Keep outta this, Metal mouth!" the salamander mage yelled, glaring daggers at the black haired man that was taller than him.

"Who ya callin' "Metal mouth", Pipsqueak?" Gajeel retorted, smirking as he did so. He looked down at a fuming fire mage with his arms crossed and then grinned mockingly. The poor blonde then proceeded to bang her head repeatedly against the wooden bar counter. The word "why" ran through her head in a million directions. _Why do they have to be so stupid? Why can't they stop fighting? Why _me_?_

And then that was when her blue haired friend, Levy, just happened to be right by her. "Articulate already, you idiot mages," she ranted before returning to her book that was on the bar next to the celestial mage. She too, was on her monthly curse, and in no mood, might I add, for this never ending nonsense.

The three mages blinked at her. Gajeel then zoomed off to God knows where, leaving Natsu and Gray standing there with the wind being blown in their faces. The black haired mage then came back dressed in a suit with a cane, a matching top hat, and a…_monocle_? Good grief. The world must be ending for Gajeel Redfox to be dressed up, either that, or he's mentally scarred after what happened _last_ month when Levy was on her monthly. After that, he's been scared to go near her, but he would never admit it.

The two mages stared at him. One second went by, then another, and then another. Until…obviously, the rival mages bursted out laughing like hyenas. The black haired dragon slayer frowned and whacked both of them on the head with his cane.

"Oi, oi, what are _you_ laughing at? At least I _look_ smarter now," the iron dragon slayer snarled at the two rival mages. Levy and Lucy both smacked their faces with their palms. Dear God, NO! This is what they _didn't_ mean! What the hell?

Gray and Natsu glared up at the man in the suit before dashing God knows where and followed "suit" as to what he did. The two idiots came back with the same outfit that Gajeel had on. That's right, the same suit, cane, top hat, and monocle that the former Phantom guild member had on. The two "smart" females literally banged their heads against heads against the counter of the wooden bar after their jaws nearly dropped to the floor.

"Now, now, that's taking it a little _too_ far, don't you think?" Mirajane asked as she fanned her hand repeatedly while sweat dropping.

"I say, you two are complete idiots," the ice mage spoke in a British accent while adjusting his top hat and holding his black wooden cane over his shoulder like a "gentleman" would. Oh boy…

"I beg to differ, but _you_ two are the complete nincompoops," the pyromaniac mage spoke with the same accent.

"Both of you, quit wasting valuable air. _I'm_ the intelligent one here," the iron mage spoke. Meanwhile, Levy and Lucy just had their tenth shot of whiskey and slammed their shot glasses onto the bar countertop and sighing after they drank down the drink with _angry_ looks on their faces. (And here, ladies and gentlemen, is where a whistle is inserted…! And no, not the object. I mean the other one! You know, that noise that comes out of your mouth when... Well, however it is you make a whistling noise!)This won't turn out well by the look of things.

Natsu then jumped up and whacked Gajeel down with his cane. The iron mage fell down, creating a giant _THUD_ noise. The fire dragon slayer then landed on his feet and stoked his glued on black mustache and his cane was over his shoulder. "Pitiful excuse for a "gentleman" I say," the salamander haired "gentleman" said in the same annoying accent.

"Quite," Gray commented while leaning on the black wooden cane.

And that was the last straw for the two female mages that were on their monthly's _and_ they were intoxicated. The two both slammed their open hands onto the bar counter at the same time, got up from their seats on the bar stools at the same time, and then stalked over slowly like a robot in need of lubrication for its moving parts at the exact same pace.

Gray noticed this first, his black eyes nearly popped out of their sockets before he quickly began to run for the door. Gajeel slowly opened his red eyes and followed the same procedure that Gray did, "Hightailing it". Natsu turned to look at the two who were now zooming out of the guild.

"I say, cowards are abundant in this place," the dragonslayer in the suit spoke with an annoyed look on his face and his cane was still over his shoulder while he slouched slightly. What this poor soon to be murdered mage did not realize was that Levy and Lucy were quickly gaining on him. It was then that Natsu turned around and nearly jumped back in shock from the look on the two women's faces. And they call Mirajane a "demon". "Bloody _Murder!"_ he yelled before running for his life. Levy and Lucy then began to pick up their pace and began hunting down the three male mages.

And no one knows what happened to them, until a week later when they turned up…

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><p><strong>SO SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE! DON'T KILL MEH! D:<strong>

**QwQ I've been busy w**

**anyways, i hope you enjoy this LONG chapter xD**

**and i'm looking for suggestions so feel free to leave them!**

**PLEASE R&R OAO!**

**LATER~ :3**

**-Sandy**


	7. Author's Note: PLEASE READ

**I know what you're thinking. No chapter, WHY?**

**Answer: A lot of people have stopped reading my stories(I've noticed).**

**So could my readers please answer the poll that's on my profile, I would be VERY grateful.**

**And for the people who have lost interest in my story(ies), please answer why you don't like them any more in a review bellow. This will help me in becoming a better writer.**

**Thank you for your time.**

**Sincerely,**

**~Sandy000000004 **


	8. The Journey Back Part 1:

About a week later from when Lucy and Levy nearly killed them, the three amigos walked down the cobble stone road of Magnolia. All three of them looked like they've been through hell with the bags under their eyes, all of the bite marks, bandages, and bruises they had on them, along with the torn clothing.

Natsu was missing one of his sandals, his vest was gone, his scarf was unscathed, but his pants were ripped off up to his knee on one pant leg. He had bandages on his arms and torso and bite marks practically everywhere visible.

Gray was in about the same shape. He was down to his boxers (not surprisingly), but he too had bite marks, bandages, and was walking barefoot.

Gajeel appeared to be in the worst shape. Half of his black mane was gone, he had metal piercings missing, bite marks that covered his arms and legs, his white pants that were covered in dirt and mud looked more like shorts considering the way the rest of his pants were ripped off, and had bandages on his feet instead of his shoes.

All three of them had to admit it, the women in Fairy Tail were the scariest women they've ever crossed and probably will be the most throughout their lives. The civilians of the city stared in awe as the three idiot mages walked back to the Fairy Tail Guild.

We _all_ should know what happened the previous week, yes? Levy and Lucy nearly killed the three of them. Lucy summoned Taurus, who in turn, used his giant axe and sent the three flying halfway across the world into the snow regions of the world.

And what happened from there, you ask? Dear readers, the story is _far_ too violent for you…but since you're insisting, I shall tell the tale of the three idiot mages' journey back to Magnolia.

**It started like this**…

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><p>Natsu popped up his head and spat out snow that was in his mouth, shaking his head to rid himself of any other snow that was on his person that was out of the body of the frozen water he was stuck in. However, that did no good whatsoever, for there was a severe blizzard going on around him in the snowy tundra that he landed in…wait, <em>tundra…?<em> Realization then struck the idiot fire mage like an arrow to the head (…literally). A loud man-like scream then erupted from the dragon slayer's mouth.

"Where the hell am I? Where did Magnolia go? How the hell did I get here?" Natsu kept spazzing out over the fact that he was sent over half way around the world, him not believing it, of course. It was at this time that Gray popped his head up and out of the body of snow.

"Oi, quit yelling, moron. You're giving me a headache," the ice mage complained. He was used to this kind of weather, all thinks to Ur.

"S-Shaddup, Snowman," the salamander mage countered.

"Make me, _Salamander_," the ice mage spoke Natsu's nickname in a mocking tone. The pink haired mage's reaction was his hair starting to burn, his eyes turn to red, and the snow around the fire mage melting. That set him off, that's for sure.

"You're asking for it, _Frosty_." Natsu returned the mocking tone when saying "Frosty", sending Gray over the edge.

Gajeel sighed. He had been watching the scene for the past two minutes and both idiot mages failed to acknowledge his presence. The black haired mage took in a puff of breath. "BOTH OF YOU, KNOCK IT OFF!"

Natsu and Gray both froze in their places and slowly turned their heads to face the now pissed off Iron Dragon Slayer. Unfortunate, the three were _still_ able to hear Gajeel's voice echo off the nearby mountains. Moments later, the ground began to shake.

"W-What's going on?" Gray stammered as the snow began shifting away from them. The blue haired mage looked up, only to see an avalanche head his, and the two other idiot mages' way. The ice mage was frozen in place as he, plus Gajeel and Natsu, began yelling as they were engulfed by the snow.

"This is all your fault, Metal Mouth!" Natsu yelled as and his two companions were being whisked away by the avalanche.

"OH SHUT UP!" The Iron Dragon Slayer yelled back.

The three then began yelling, for they were falling off the edge of a glacier and into the freezing cold waters of the ocean. The snow created a white, translucent cloud that slowly rose from where the snow collided with the body of water.

Natsu, Gray, and Gajeel popped up in cases of ice. Natsu's head wasn't frozen, but the rest of his body was. Gray was less fortunate, his left arm up to his elbow was the only thing that had remained unfrozen while Gajeel…well, he was frozen completely.

The fire mage spurted out the salty, cold water that he had taken in when he fell into the ocean and grumbled angrily about his "damn luck". And off the trio went, to God knows where!

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><p><strong>Sandy: IM BACK! 8D<strong>

**And~ Thank you all for voting :3**

**I just felt neglected ;A;**

**but anyways, i hope you like this new chapter soon! I'll try to update soon! :3**

**Natsu: WHY THE HELL DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS TO ME? D:**

**Sandy: Because we have the power and that we can~ ):3**

**Happy: It is true oAo**

**Lucy: B-|**

**Natsu: SHADDUP KITTY!**

**Lucy: THAT'S MY LINE! -chases Natsu-**

**Natsu: IGNEEL HELP! ;w;**

**Sandy: This is entertaining! ^ w ^**

**Natsu: -w-**

**Ed(FMA): OI! WHEN DO I GET BACK? =_=**

**Sandy: REVIEW OAO**

**Kitty: Soon Ed, Soon~ :3**


	9. The Journey Back Part 2:

**Day 1 of drifting in ice coffins…**

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><p>"You moronic fire mage! This is all your fault!" Gray signed with his free hand, making a blood vessel pop up out of Natsu's forehead.<p>

"Oi! Don't blame me! This is your fault too, ya know!" Natsu shouted back in reply. Gray clenched his fist. Gajeel said nothing, for he was still completely frozen inside his ice coffin. Natsu then began banging his head against the ice coffin that surrounded the rest of his body. "This is getting us nowhere…" he grumbled under his breath while floating around.

**Day 2**

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><p>The sun was up high in the sky as the three "moronicateers" continued drifting in the ocean. Natsu was resting his head against his ice coffin when he heard Gray's free hand bang against the exterior of his ice casing. Slowly, the fire mage picked his head up to look at what Gray had to sign <em>this<em> time. Oh brother…

"Nat-su…Is-n't…Floa-ting…A-round…Like…This…Tech-ni-cally…Trans-por-ta-ti…" Natsu spoke aloud as he translated the signs into words in his head. His face immediately grew green from realization of the last word. He then threw up, emptying his fiery guts out into the ocean.

"Wait…shouldn't you… be able to… get out of that ice… Snowman?" The fire dragon slayer spoke in between barfing. He eyed Gray's left hand as it remained still. Realization struck the ice mage like an arrow to the head, once again (literally). The freed left hand that belonged to the idiot ice mage pushed up against the ice coffin and formed a magic circle. The ice shattered and there was a white light that glowed as shrapnel in the form of ice flew everywhere. Gajeel was still speechless as he was before.

When the light faded away, Gray could be seen on a medium sized ship, pointing his finger at Natsu. "Shouldn't you be able to melt the ice, Fire Monkey?" Gray yelled back in response to Natsu's earlier statement. Said fire mage remained still for a few minutes before he smirked.

The ice suddenly glowed red and then exploded around him. This _did_ look cool, that is, until Natsu was flailing his arms in the water like a _girl_.

Gray slapped his forehead with his right palm and sighed. This was going to be a _long_ trip back home. Gajeel was still too speechless to talk.

**Later on that night...**

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><p>Natsu sat in the boat crouched up into a little ball while rubbing his arms up and down repeatedly with one hand while he had the other on Gajeel's ice coffin, slowly melting the icy casing. So far, a little bit of the iron dragon slayer's black mane was out in the cold, tundra air, but that was it.<p>

The dark blue haired mage was standing up, (shirtless apparently) with his arms folded against his chest as the boat sailed through the freezing waters with blocks of ice floating in the opposite direction as the boat was going in.

"Man this sucks," the strawberry haired fire mage grumbled angrily under his breath while rubbing his left arm that was occupied melting Gajeel's ice casket with his right hand. Natsu had to admit it for once, it was _cold_. And another surprising fact was that he was so busy being _cold_ that he wasn't suffering from his motion sickness.

The ice mage then silently looked up at the starlit sky, looking at the constellations as the boat gently sailed through the ice occupied waters.

"Took you long enough, Salamander!" an all too familiar voice that belonged to none other than Gajeel then interrupted Gray's train of thought. The ice mage turned around to see Natsu all the way at the edge of the boat, putting up a defensive pose as the black maimed iron mage ranted at him. "Do you know how long I had to put up with that? Why I oughtta!"

Gray's eyebrow twitched as the two began rolling around back and forth on the ship, even though the ice was melted only up to Gajeel's torso.

**Day 3…**

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><p>"Man, I'm hungry!" the fire mage complained, followed by a loud and low growl. Gajeel and Gray turned their heads to look at him as he sheepishly grinned and laughed nervously before turning back to barfing his brains out from the motion sickness.<p>

Gajeel sighed. This was getting them nowhere, him drifting around with a pair of morons. Go Figure.

"I see land!" Gray then suddenly shouted while pointing his left index finger at what appeared to be a small island. Natsu automatically stopped barfing to look up at the idiot ice mage while Gajeel merely shifted his eyes in their sockets.

_3…2…1…_

Natsu and Gajeel both shoved the ice mage out of the way, looking at the decent sized island in awe, not knowing what awaited them once they got there...

Oh boy. This is _not_ going to end well, knowing these three.

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><p><strong>You People demanded it, and now you got it! :3<strong>

**the three day course to -insert name of island here- ISLAND! 8D**

**If you people have suggestions for islands, don't be afraid to leave them! c:**

**also! Next update: Not so soon.**

**Why?**

**School ._.;**

**... eAe;;;**

**anyways, hope you liked this chapter~ :3**

**Natsu: I WANNA EAT! D:**

**Gray: SHADDUP, LIZARDBREATH!**

**Natsu: MAKE ME, FROSTY!**

**Gajeel: u3u;;;**

**Me: -grins evilly and pulls down a black screen to block further viewing-**

**Natsu & Gray:-are now crying out in pain-**

**Me: That's right! NOW DROP TO THE GROUND AND GIVE ME A PIECE OF CAKE AND A FORK! -grin widens-**

***CENSORED***


	10. The Journey Back Part 3:

"Gray…care to remind me _why_ I am being COOKED ALIVE?" the fire mage spoke as a dark skinned native who was constantly licking his lips as he was thinking about how tasty the fire mage will be, turned the salamander that was tied to a wooden pole over and over again over an open flame. Had it not been magic resistant, Natsu would've eaten it by now.

Meanwhile, Gray and Gajeel were both tied to thick and long wooden poles several feet from an open fire pit where more dark skinned natives were dancing around the fire like _crazy_.

"I don't know, Natsu. Care to answer why YOU DIDN'T TAKE THAT LEFT TURN WHEN WE CAME TO THE FORK IN THE JUNGLE?" the ice mage yelled back. This earned him being poked by a fat tribeswoman with a blunt spear who was apparently making "Goo-Goo" eyes at the exhibitionist, blue haired mage, who was once again in nothing but his underwear. (It wasn't entirely his fault though. –points to fat tribeswoman making "Goo-Goo" eyes at Gray-)

Gray started to have a panic attack by having sweating all over and he began to squirm, even though he was securely fastened to the thick pole of wood. Gajeel, meanwhile, sighed heavily. He always saw himself as the referee between the two rivals and yet he _somehow_ managed to get dragged into everything.

Poor Natsu. The next thing the cook did was that he started to cover the fire mage in delicious spices and sweeteners. Natsu was on the verge of sneezing, and then, he finally blew. The pink haired mage sneezed and the flame grew even bigger, causing it to burn him.

"OWWWWWW~!"

Both Gray and Gajeel sighed. The fire mage sure was _hopeless_. Which reminded Gray…

"GET OFF OF ME ALREADY, WILL YOU?" the ice mage yelled at the native. She merely replied by blinking her recently longer grown lashes and cuddled closer towards the dark blue haired mage. The woman's gut would have probably sucked the poor guy in had it not been for the ropes that binded him to the pole his body was currently against.

And then…everything came to a _STOP_. (And here, ladies and gentlemen, is where you insert the Jaws "Theme".) The natives looked at the forest as trees began to move and giant footsteps echoed along the ground. It must have been a monster, for the dark skinned natives began to shake out of pure fear. The fat lady that was poking Gray before was now clinging to him as if he was some sort of "cling toy". But what? What could this giant monster be?

* * *

><p>(Dear readers, if I told you what it was, I would be spoiling. So for now, I will be playing clips of a koala eating eucalyptus. Can't you see this adorable koala bear enjoy this green delicacy found only in Australia and not anywhere near the magical world of "Fairy Tail"? Ah, peace at last… No…Natsu, don't…don't do it…no…no…NOOOOO!<p>

Natsu: "Get back here, will you?"  
>Gray: "Natsu, if you kill her, she won't be able to write anymore!"<br>Natsu: "So?" –is violently shaking Sandy  
>Sandy: x-x<br>Gajeel: -sighs-  
>Gray: "IDIOT! We'll never be able to escape from the island!"<br>Natsu: "…Oh."  
>Sandy: "Reviews are…appreciated~." xAx;;;)<p>

* * *

><p><strong>((Bwhahahahaha~ I'm so evil xD<strong>

**And as for this, tis a cliffie :3**

**Don't worry, I'll update within the week, You have my word, but I just wanted to try something new xD.**

**Review and tell me what you think~ :3**

**~Sandy**

**P.S. This chapter is dedicated to ****LunaTheLoneWolf**** and ****TheLengendaryBlueKitty****. My reason is so that they grow even more impatient xD))**


	11. HELP! D:

_Hey folks,_

_I have some sort of a "problem"._

_You see, I'm in a black as to how to continue the tenth chapter! D:_

_If you guys are interested in helping me, PM me a suggestion and I'll tell you what I've done so far._

_If you've read this at all, thank you._

_I've been going through a rough period of time in my life since I've started high school._

_I would _really_ appreciate it if you guys took the time to help me out. _

_Thank you, guys, really, thanks~ c:_

_~Sandy_


	12. The Journey Back Part 4: Featuring PPG!

All of a sudden, the thudding stopped, leaving the tribe and its soon- to-be meals hanging on the edge with anticipation. A cute and cuddly bear then appeared in front of them. It was no bigger than one of the small children at the village, but yet they appeared to be afraid of it, especially the children, and especially those of the female gender.

"Hi, kids~," a loud and almost bear-like voice sang out. The villagers all screamed, including the fat woman that was clinging to Gray moments ago and began running for their lives.

"We don't want to get raped!" they screamed over and over as they ran for the other side of the village, and into the jungle. Natsu, Gray, and Gajeel were left in the village alone as the midget, pedophile bear stalked closer to them, grinning as he saw that they were _males_ for a change.

Both Gajeel and Gray screamed like little girls and began hopping up and down with their poles still tied to their backs. As they bounced past Natsu, the stick that he was hog-tied to bounced up in the air and landed on top of the two's poles. As the three mages bounced away from the bear frantically, Pedobear just kept at them, at a jaw dropping ten feet away from them. Looks like all of that time at the gym paid off, eh? Heh heh…

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, as the trio ran out of site while <em>still<em> being chased down by the horny bear, three Powerpuff girls have come to save the day! Blossom (Levy), Bubbles (Lucy), and Buttercup (Juvia)!

…

"WHY THE HELL ARE WE IN THESE STUPID OUTFITS?" the red head shouted as she threw down her orange hair wig to the ground, still wearing the white tights and the pink dress.

"Because I'M the _narrator _and _writer_ of the story, dear Levy. _I_ decide how things turn out! MUHAHAHAHAHA!"

"SHUT UP ALREADY!" Bubbles shouted as she kicked me in the face. I do have to say that it _did_ hurt. It hurt so much that I was knocked unconscious.

* * *

><p><strong>Well, I would have written more, but I was knocked out and my head still hurts so meeh~ A;;;<strong>

**Lucy: YOU DESERVED IT D:**

**Me: DID NOT! D:**

**Natsu, Gray & Gajeel: WE DON'T WANT TO GET RAPED~ D: -are still being chased by Pedobear-**

**Pedobear: :D**

**Me & Lucy: ... :'D**

**Happy: REVIEW! ;D**

**BTW: YOU GUYS WERE _REAL_ HELPFUL D:**

**REMIND ME TO _NEVER_ ASK FOR HELP FROM YOU SAD BUNCH OF PEOPLE _EVER_!**


	13. Law & Order:

**Dear readers, **

**Let's take a break from … the **_**usual**_** victims, shall we?**

**Sincerely,**

**Sandy**

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><p>"<em>In the Criminal Justice System the people are represented by two separate, yet equally important groups: The police who investigate crime and the District Attorneys who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories."<em>

* * *

><p>"HEY, get back here!"<p>

Marco ran as fast as he could while Detective Dragneel chased him down the bustling streets of Magnolia. He knew _damn_ well what got him into the predicament he was in, and now, he regrets doing it.

"STOP, Police!" the pink haired detective shouted again, now more pissed off since the little runt wouldn't stop running away from him. Then, halfway down a cobblestone alley way, Marco stopped running and stood still surprisingly not out of breath.

"Hey, Punk!" Natsu called out as he caught up to the boy, slightly out of breath in his formal attire of a grey suit with a black tie and a white collared shirt and police boots. For the last few steps, he walked and then put his hand on the boy's shoulder, about to slam him into the wall to handcuff him, but then…oh, God.

Marco turned around, and in a flash, he was no longer a little boy. He was…

"Hi kids~," Pedobear smirked at the detective, who was now struck with fear.

3…2…1…"AHHHHHHHHH!"

The pigeons on the rooftop of the nearby buildings flew away due to the eardrum shattering noise. Now, Natsu was running as fast as possible in his police boots, trying to get away from the pedophile midget bear that was only a good five feet away from him.

"WHY DOES THIS BEAR ALWAYS WANT TO RAPE ME~?"

* * *

><p>Kana was sitting by the bar, chugging down yet another mug of ale. After finishing it, she sighed in content and then looked out the window. All was peaceful, that is, until a flash went off. Out of instinct, she looked to her left. It was her father taking yet <em>another <em>picture of her, giggling like a little girl. A blood vessel popped out of her forehead and in the next instant, Gildarts was wearing a barrel tutu and spinning around the room like a ballerina while Kana began chugging down another mug full of alcohol.

* * *

><p><strong>3 Hours Later:<strong>

"WHY DID YOU STEAL MY TWINKIE!" the detective shouted. Marco stared at him, blinking wide eyed at the pink haired detective.

"You arrested me for _that?"_ the black haired boy shouted.

Natsu then slammed a book with a highlighted passage in front of the boy. "Read it," he spoke.

"Stealing an officer's Twinkie results in…_DEATH?_ I'M GOING TO _DIE_ OVER A TWINKIE?"

"And assaulting an officer," Natsu added smirking. Marco then smirked, and in an instant, Pedobear was now in his place. The smirk instantly went away and pure _fear_ replaced his cocky ego.

"Oh, shit."

* * *

><p>Lucy, Natsu's detective partner went to view the interrogation room on the other side of the one way glass, seeing everything. Just as she closed the door, Natsu's faced was slammed up against the wall.<p>

"LUCY, HEEEELLLLLLPPPPP~!"

* * *

><p><strong>I swear, I typed this ALL up in one day xD I suddenly had the motivation, but i'm taking a semi-hiatus from my other fanfics XD<strong>

**Shet has been happening in my life left and right, so o3o;;;**

**And listening to "The Perfect Heist" by Blue Stahli set the mood PERFECTLY xD**

**so enjoy, review, leave suggestions and all :D**

**I'll be back soon hopefully xD**


	14. A Mix of Law and Murder:

Natsu moaned loudly, his head spinning as he lied in the hospital bet. Lucy sighed, crossing her arms and shaking her head disapprovingly. _Why did it _ALWAYS_ end up like this?_

"Geez, Natsu, what the hell do you always do to get that bear after you?" she turned to look at him, still annoyed somewhat.

"I don't know…" the pink haired detective groaned, still seeing stars circle his head. "He's just always…after me…"

Lucy sighed heavily. There was a knock at the door. The blonde turned her head and nearly jumped out of her skin seeing a midget bear holding a bouquet of flowers, smiling sadistically.

_***CUT SCENE***_

* * *

><p><strong>And now, ladies and gentlemen, back to the Powerpuff Girls and the three idiot mages back on the island! :D<strong>

**Blossom (Levy)  
>Bubbles (Lucy)<br>Buttercup (Juvia)**

* * *

><p>They were trapped, they were <em>DOOMED<em>. There was no way to get out. Gajeel, Natsu, and Gray were cornered up against a tree, huddling each other, _TERRIFIED_. Pedobear kept coming closer…and _closer_…and CLOSE-

"WE GET THE IDEA!" All three of them shouted. The narrator sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Ungrateful, little…" feeling the icy glares of the guys, she cleared her throat and continued on with the story.

A low chuckle was then heard. All three mages turned their attention back to the bear, who was now only a mere few feet from the trio. All of them then screamed like girls at the top of their lungs.

"WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?" Gray shouted.

"SOMEBODY SAVE US!" The pink haired mage then added, almost still screaming like bloody murder.

And then, within the blink of an eye, pink, blue and green suddenly appeared, kicking the pedophile bear away from the group of _men_. I looked away, annoyed while sighing exasperatedly.

They appeared to be three girls, but alas, they weren't. They were…The Powerpuff Girls, Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup!

The narrator pressed a button on an old fashion boom box, with an annoyed expression, and the theme music began to play.

Kick, punch, another few punches, _KICK!_ Pedobear was out for the count!

And once again, the day is saved, thanks to the-

"W-Why are you all looking at me like that?" The narrator saw the six beginning to crack their knuckles and stalk closer towards her. "No…no…NO!"

***BEEEEEEEP***

**STANDBY FOR NEXT CHAPTER**

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><p>Psssst. Let me know what you think! ;D<p> 


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